Sigh.

I was hating all over my life this morning.

The car was parked at the end of the driveway since most of the snow had turned to ice. I got the boys up, and we hustled down it to get to the bus stop. At least, we did until Will made a move that was remarkably similar to one I made on Monday and went ass-over-teakettle. I came down really hard on the back of my head (enough to knock my hat flying, see stars and have a stiff neck all day), and he came down on his side, enough to bruise badly. I got him in the car and jumped in ...

Except I'd left my keys in the house. So it was back up the driveway, and whoops! Another flying family member! Talk about Family Circus. Came down on my right shoulder. Ouch. I yelled two or three Very Bad Words that kids shouldn't hear me say, and just about bit their heads off for no good reason other than the fact that their father can be an asshole when he's in pain.

Drove the boys to school, except Will decided he couldn't walk so well. So I drove him home, got my shower, and wound up being only 20 minutes late for my doctor's appointment. No magic there, either: I was hoping it was all a big mistake, no surgery needed, so sorry for the scare, here's a super pill to make the shoulder owie go away.

I get a handout like this:

What is the recovery like?

The recovery occurs in a series of phases. The initial phase is immobilization, where patients wear a sling for three to four weeks to allow the tendon to start to heal on its own. At that time, a physical therapist is working with the patient to achieve restoration of range-of-motion. A physical therapist lifts the arm for the patient to avoid actively firing the muscle.

Patients are not allowed to lift their arm on their own for the first 4-6 weeks following surgery because that would compromise the integrity of the repair. By 4-6 weeks following surgery the repair gains strength and the patient can begin to lift the arm and initiate some strengthening exercises. By 3 months following surgery most patients can lift between 5-10 pounds overhead. Strengthening exercises continue.

By 6 months post-operatively most patients have regained approximately 80 percent of strength. It is important to continue with strengthening exercises after this time. Studies show that gains in strength continue over a two-year time period following surgery.

And a prescription for oxycodone, and a prescription for physical therapy, and a couple of odds and ends, like the surgery will be done under general anesthesia. I've helped put people under for surgery, and I ... really ... don't ... like ... it. Maybe some of you were alive when you used to stick a metal spout in an oil can? That's what goes down your throat. And the worst part of it is, you're not asleep. Oh, no. General anesthesia is a combination painkiller/amnesiac. So basically, you are effin' awake the whole time -- you just don't feel a funnel being shoved down your throat, and you don't feel yourself being cauterized, etc.

I also need to put together an advanced directive in case something goes wrong. And just for kicks and grins, there's a 5 percent chance that the orthopaedist will have to do "some tune-up work" within the year. But the good news is, he'll have about six to eight holes already drilled if he has to go back into the shoulder.

Also, I'll have a few more restrictions. No keyboard use for two to three weeks (this would basically mean, no work for two to three weeks) and no travel for three to six months.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

Shit.

I may never set an Ironman world record, but I'm going to shoot for a rehab record.

The day did get a little bit better in the afternoon. Stopped by the grocery and got the boys some taquitos to make amends. The plow guy showed up -- with a cord of wood, bonus! -- so our propane delivery should actually occur on Thursday. With all the wood, we're not using much gas, but I'd rather have it and not need than need it and not have it. Next big storm is supposed to come through Friday night. I broke out the Yaktrax for the next time we go down the driveway.

The chickens laid 20 eggs. I lost an Aruacana, but it wasn't disease. Silly hen was sitting under a roost, and a bunch of chickens crowded up to keep warm. Snapped her neck on the roost.

And Will is doing fine.

Site du jour: Wisebread, for people trying to be frugal.